you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
