Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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