I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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