we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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