Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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