I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
