Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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