summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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