I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
