My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
