and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
