Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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