I'm going to jail i love you
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
