he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
