New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize