he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
