Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
