He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
