He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
