Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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