i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
