Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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