Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
