i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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