Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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