According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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