there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
