can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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