i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
