Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your cock deserves a montage
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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