Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
