Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
