you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
