can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
