I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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