so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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