You just made me feel so damn special
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
