That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
