some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
