Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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