Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
