hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
