She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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