It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
