The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
