the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
