a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
