meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
