Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Less talking, more tequila
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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