Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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