okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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