I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
