There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
