New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she told me i tasted like america
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
