I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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