Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
