Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
