It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found puke in my bra..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
