that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
