what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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