can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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