im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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