i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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