i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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