I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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