I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
