I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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