we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
