he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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