Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
