Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My cat gives me a boner
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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