i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
