Me. At least after what I've been through.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
