playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Congratulations! We have a period
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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