I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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