No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
